In our daily lives, we often find ourselves making quick judgments about people, events, and even ourselves. Judging is an inherent part of human survival. From our early ancestors who had to quickly determine whether a rustling in the bushes was a predator or the wind, to modern-day decisions about trust and safety, our ability to make quick judgments has been crucial. However, while these judgments can be lifesaving in moments of action, they can also have negative impacts on our relationships and emotional health when they become habitual and unchecked.
Understanding Judgments
There are two primary types of judgments: those that discriminate and those that evaluate.
- Judgments That Discriminate: Discriminatory judgments involve distinguishing whether two things are the same or different, whether something meets a certain standard, or whether something fits the facts. These judgments are necessary for daily functioning and safety. For instance, distinguishing between a swimming pool with water and one without is crucial before diving in. People in various professions rely on this type of judgment to perform their duties effectively, such as teachers grading students or grocers sorting produce.
- Judgments That Evaluate: Evaluative judgments, on the other hand, involve assessing someone or something as good or bad, worthwhile or not, valuable or not. These judgments are not part of factual reality but are based on personal opinions, values, and ideas. They can be harmful when they become habitual, leading to negative emotional responses and conflicts in relationships.
The Impact of Evaluative Judgments
Evaluative judgments can have detrimental effects on our relationships and emotional well-being. Negative judgments often create conflict and damage relationships, as people tend to avoid or retaliate against those who judge them harshly. Moreover, adding evaluations of good or bad to people or situations can significantly impact our emotional responses, leading to dysregulated emotions and unnecessary stress. The goal of nonjudgmentalness is to let go of evaluative judgments and retain those that help us discern and see consequences. Evaluations like “good” or “bad” add an unnecessary layer to reality and can obscure the true nature of events or behaviors. By focusing on describing reality as it is, without adding these value judgments, we can interact more effectively with the world and the people around us.
Question: How often are you judging, and how does it impact you?
Reflect on how frequently you make evaluative judgments about yourself, others, or situations. Consider the emotional and relational consequences of these judgments. Do they lead to conflicts, stress, or feelings of inadequacy? Recognizing the frequency and impact of your judgments is the first step towards adopting a nonjudgmental stance.
Embracing Nonjudgmentalness
Nonjudgmentalness involves viewing and describing reality as it is, without adding evaluations of good or bad. Here are some tips to help you cultivate a nonjudgmental stance:
- Let Go of Good and Bad: Practice observing and describing reality without labeling people, behaviors, or events as good or bad. For example, instead of saying someone is a “bad person,” describe their behavior factually: “This person yelled during the meeting.”
- Replace Evaluations with Descriptions: Instead of using evaluative language, describe what is happening. For instance, instead of saying, “This is a good house,” ask, “Is this a house I will like?” or “Will this house require minimal repairs?”
- Let Go of “Should”: Avoid using the word “should,” which implies a demand on reality. Replace “should” with expressions of feelings or desires, such as “I want things to be different” or “I hope you will do this for me.”
- Understand Consequences Without Judging: Recognize and communicate the consequences of behaviors and events without labeling them as good or bad. For example, instead of saying, “This fish is bad,” explain, “This fish is not fresh and may taste rancid when cooked.”
- Practice Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness practices that emphasize nonjudgmental awareness. This can include meditation, mindful breathing, or simply observing your thoughts without attaching evaluations to them.
Practical Exercises for Nonjudgmentalness
To develop a nonjudgmental stance, consider incorporating the following exercises into your daily routine:
- Observe Judgmental Thoughts: Notice when judgmental thoughts arise without judging yourself for having them. Simply observe and let them pass.
- Count Judgmental Thoughts: Use a notepad to track the number of judgmental thoughts you have each day. This awareness can help reduce the frequency of such thoughts.
- Describe Without Judging: Practice describing disliked interactions or characteristics without using judgmental language. Focus on the facts and your feelings rather than evaluations.
- Nonjudgmental Participation: Engage in activities mindfully, noticing any judgmental thoughts that arise. For example, while walking slowly in a line, observe if you judge yourself or others and gently redirect your focus to the activity.
- Replace Judgmental Thoughts: When you notice a judgmental thought, replace it with a nonjudgmental description. For instance, replace “I am stupid” with “I made a mistake.”
Taking a nonjudgmental stance is a practice that can transform our relationships and emotional well-being. By letting go of evaluative judgments and focusing on understanding and addressing the causes of behaviors and events, we can interact more effectively with the world around us. This practice, central to mindfulness and many therapeutic approaches, encourages us to see reality as it is and respond with greater clarity and compassion.
Written By: Nicole Maxwell, M.A.
Photo Credit: James Hogan on Unsplash
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