Anti-Bullying Week is observed every year in the third week of November; this year it is held from November 11th to 15th. Recognizing that bullying has a long-term effect on the victim’s mental health and quality of life, the holiday seeks to combat bullying by encouraging a zero-tolerance policy (National Today).
Unfortunately, many of our school-age clients have experienced bullying. There are many skills in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that can help a person cope with and recover from bullying.
- Self-Compassion
Recognize that being bullied is painful; it’s painful to be hurt or made fun of by another person. Remember that you are not alone and that others have experienced what you are experiencing. Be kind to yourself during this challenging time; offer yourself patience, care and understanding.
- FAST Skill – Stand Up for Your Self-Respect
It’s important to stand up for yourself. This may not always be to your bully directly, and might be to an authority figure instead. Be fair to yourself by not allowing the mistreatment to continue. Don’t apologize, if you have done nothing wrong. Stick to your values and what is important to you. Be truthful and share what is happening with someone you trust – a therapist, parent, or school counselor.
- Seek Support
It’s important to feel supported during challenging times. Talk about this with friends, parents or teachers. Let yourself be supported and cared for. Know that there is no reason for you to be mistreated.
- Crisis Survival Skills: STOP, Pros and Cons, TIPP, Distract, Self-Soothe & IMPROVE the Moment
Getting bullied is a crisis. Crisis survival skills were created for moments like these!
- STOP: Stop (visualize stop sign or say ‘stop’ in your mind), Take a step back (take a few deep breaths, or perhaps take a break), Observe (notice your thoughts, physical sensations, emotions, what is happening in your environment) and Proceed Mindfully (What is the most effective next step? What is in wise mind?)
- Pros and Cons: It could be beneficial to assess the pros and cons to managing the crisis situation that is bullying versus pros and cons to staying miserable/enduring the bullying. This can support you in realizing the benefits that can come from seeking support, even when it’s uncomfortable.
- TIPP: Calm down fast by tipping the temperature with an Ice Dive or placing an ice pack over your eyes and cheeks while holding your breath (up to 30 seconds) while leaning over. Do some intense exercise – like 100 jumping jacks to workout some uncomfortable energy. Practice Paced Breathing by taking deep breaths in, even long breaths out. Or look up a Progressive Muscle Relaxation on YouTube to let go of some stress/tension.
- Distract: It’s okay to distract yourself for a short while from the painful experience of bullying. Let yourself clean, workout, watch a tv show or movie, play a game, hang out with a friend, listen to music, whatever works for you!
- Self-Soothe: Soothe your body and mind with your senses. Listen to relaxing music, light a fragrant candle, get into comfy clothes, or eat a comforting meal.
- IMPROVE the Moment: Practice a calming visualization meditation, find meaning out of this painful experience, know that this too will pass.
- Accumulating Positives
When challenges come our way, it’s even more important to continue to engage in pleasant activities, live our values and work toward our goals. It’s important to remember that good things can occur amongst the challenges. Engage in some pleasant activities – something that brings you joy! Remember what is truly important to you and dedicate some time and energy to that!
Written By: Nora Josephson LPC, RYT, AMFT, Clinical Operations Director
Image: Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash
Resources:
Linehan, Marsha M. (2015a). DBT Skills Training Manual, 2nd ed. New York: Guilford Press.
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