In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), we believe Change is the Only Constant. When we teach Dialectics, we discuss how each moment is new; reality itself changes with each moment. We are not the same person who went to sleep last night. The season of Fall teaches us this as well. Although change can be scary and unknown, it can also be rejuvenating and freeing. We see this all around us as temperatures get cooler, days get shorter, trees lose their leaves, animals prepare for hibernation, and birds migrate.
With the change of season and the Fall Equinox coming up on September 22nd, I encourage you to ask yourself, “What am I willing to let go of? What am I willing to change?” We all have changes we would like to make. Oftentimes we can feel pressure, overwhelm and anxiety around these desires. Yet, I believe we can make these changes in smaller, realistic action steps and with self-compassion.
Break down this change or goal into SMART goals and committed actions.
SMART Stands For:
- Specific: Clearly define what you want to accomplish in simple, direct terms.
- Measurable: Track your progress toward your goal so you can identify areas for improvement.
- Achievable: Set goals that you believe you can achieve. Consider your strengths and capabilities when choosing goals.
- Realistic: Set goals that are challenging but not out of reach.
- Time-bound: Set a specific time period to achieve your goal. Most SMART goals should take 1–3 months to complete.
Once you have your goals, break them down into committed actions, doable action steps. And use opposite-action to avoid avoiding. This means do it anyway. If you are scared or anxious, approach and take actions one step at a time. If these goals are valuable and important to you, it’s worth it. It’s also important to make these changes with self-compassion. Kristen Neff, pioneered a lot of the research behind self-compassion. One of my favorite ways to practice self-compassion is with a Self-Compassion Break: (By Kristen Neff on self-compassion.org)
- Think of a situation in your life that is difficult, that is causing you stress. Call the situation to mind, and see if you can actually feel the stress and emotional discomfort in your body.
- Now, say to yourself:
- 1. This is a moment of suffering
- 2. Suffering is a part of life
- Now, put your hands over your heart, feel the warmth of your hands and the gentle touch of your hands on your chest. Or adopt the soothing touch you discovered felt right for you.
- 3. May I be kind to myself
- You can also ask yourself, “What do I need to hear right now to express kindness to myself?”
How do you want to shed your leaves this Fall? Is it to take care of yourself in some way through exercise, self-care, or a mindfulness practice? Is it to set healthy boundaries with loved ones? Work toward financial goals? Apply to a school program? Take some time to think about your goals and the changes you would like to make today.
Written By: Nora Josephson LPC, RYT, AMFT, Clinical Operations Director
Image: By Ricardo Gomez Angel on Unsplash
Resources:
Linehan, Marsha M. (2015a). DBT Skills Training Manual, 2nd ed. New York: Guilford Press.
https://www.techtarget.com/whatis/definition/SMART-SMART-goals
https://self-compassion.org/exercises/exercise-2-self-compassion-break/
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