DBT OC Blog
The Problem with Parenting: And What To Do About It
Posted by Cindy Finch, LCSW in Benefits of DBT, DBT Skills, Family Therapy
“I thought having kids would be easier. I thought we’d have kids who would grow up, make friends, go to school, fall in love, get married and live their lives…you know? I thought they’d be happy. But it didn’t turn out that way.” And so goes the lament of every parent who raised children that didn’t turn out the way they thought they would. Whether their child is on drugs, flunked out of school, can’t keep a job, engages in high-risk, scary behaviors, tells the parent they hate them, takes money from mom and dad but seems to exhibit little personal responsibility, is disconnected from the family or just doesn’t seem to be growing up and leading their own life, parents today are more flustered by raising children than ever before.
Will You Be My Valentine? Did I Marry the Right Person?
Posted by Dr. Michele Lob PsyD., MFT, CEDS in Benefits of DBT, DBT Skills, Family Therapy
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” – Carl Rogers In my DBT practice, I come across many couples who feel that they are in joyless and unfulfilling marriages. Conversations in my office may revolve around complaints about lack of intimacy, ‘falling out of love’; not enough change, poor understanding of the others’ needs, and/or the other doing deliberate acts to cause marital conflict and continued unhappiness. The joy of thinking that they have found ‘The One’ is replaced by questions like, “What was I thinking?”, “I should have known better” and “Why did I marry you?”.
Parents Who Over-Function and How It Hurts Their Kids
Posted by Cindy Finch, LCSW in Family Therapy
Much has been said, these days, about the practice of Adulting. This term is used to refer to what The Oxford Dictionary calls, “The practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks.”
As a therapist, I often meet with parents of these young adults who are very worried about their kids. They tell of grown children who are still living with them, working only part time or not at all, not paying rent or doing chores and even relying on parents to cook for them, wake them up in the morning, make their appointments and pay their bills. Some parents say their kids use drugs in their home and even control the entire family’s moods with their poor behaviors. What’s a family to do?
Don’t Wreck Your Marriage!
Posted by Cindy Finch, LCSW in Family Therapy
Dear Reader,
If you want to gain valuable tools to grow a strong marriage, save a failing one, and possibly avoid a divorce, then read on as I share what couples can do to make or break their relationships...
Marriage Wrecker
Don’t Grow Up Emotionally
If you’re not going to grow up, you will wreck your marriage. In a therapy session, if one partner says, “I feel like I have an extra child because I am married to this person,” it is likely that this partner has failed to grow up emotionally. You’d be surprised to know how many highly successful adults in the business and professional world are actually emotional infants. Emotionally immature people:
- Look for others to take care of them
- Take disagreements personally
- Are only happy when things go their way
- Quickly unravel when disappointment, stress, or tragedy enter the picture
High-Conflict Couple
Posted by DBT Center of Orange County in Benefits of DBT, Family Therapy
The High-Conflict Couple adapts the powerful techniques of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) into skills you can use to tame out-of-control emotions that flare up in your relationship. Using mindfulness and distress tolerance techniques, you'll learn how to deescalate angry situations before they have a chance to explode into destructive fights. Other approaches will help you disclose your fears, longings, and other vulnerabilities to your partner and validate his or her experiences in return. You'll discover ways to manage problems with negotiation, not conflict, and to find true acceptance and closeness with the person you love the most.
